Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
