i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
