after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
