I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
