I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
