I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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