1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
