Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
