Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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