How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
