i think my tv is drunk
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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