but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
