Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
