im drinking this country out of the recession.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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