loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
