Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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