Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
