the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I smell like Dick and happiness
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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