I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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