When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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