Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
