a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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