Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
