I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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