Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
