walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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