Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
