remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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