I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
