what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
