Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
