I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
