John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to calm my uterus...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
