p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
