I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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