maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
