TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
