sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
