I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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