We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
