Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
