It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
