I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
