would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
