she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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