i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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