There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
