Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
