hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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