Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
