part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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