Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
